YAISHWARYAJ: {Awareness} When should you stop sharing a bed with your child

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When should you stop sharing a bed with your child

Posted Sunday, March 29 2015 at 02:00

In Summary

It's not just toddlers crawling under the covers with mum and dad. Plenty of older children are spending nights there too. Is this okay for them? What about their parents? Pauline Bangirana interacted with different individuals on what they think of parents and children sharing beds.

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When should you stop sharing a bed with your child

Sharing a bed with a child is a common trend today. Some may be limited by space but to others, a child is being protected. This is acceptable but how far can a parent go? At what age should a child be left to sleep alone?

This can become a habit and as a result, the child refuses to sleep in his or her bed. Others are exposed to adult acts. In some instances, because of sharing a bed with a child, they can easily walk in on you as you dress up because they view your room as theirs.

"It is better to sleep with a child in the same bed until he is one year. This is because at this stage, the child has not grown to understand love and sexual affairs between parents. Beyond this age, a child can understand which might make them know something which is not good," says Ronnie Mukisa, a security guard at Securex.

If they can speak
"As long as they are able to speak or make sentences, then a child should stop sharing a bed with the parent. This is because the child is able to see or tell what they have seen or heard. As they re-echo what they have seen, they could tell the public embarrassing things about the parents," Winnie Mwesigwa, Clinic officer says.

No if you are opposite sex
"It is not right to sleep with a child because sleeping with a newly born baby might result in suffocation which can cause death. Traditionally, there is an age where a child stops sleeping with the parents. At one year, the child is observant and provided the parents sleep in the same bed, it is not right to share the bed with a child. Unless one parent is away, then a parent might share the bed with the child depending on the sex. It is not right for a father to share a bed with the daughter or a mother with the son," says Geoffrey Ssebyala, Pharmacy student at Makerere university

At two years
"At two years , a child is supposed to have their own bed and if possible their own room. This is because if a parent is still sharing a bed with the child, it might result in lack of respect from the child towards the parents as they enter without knocking or refuse to leave the room when a parent wants to dress up," says Sharon Grace, a mobile money agent.

"Such lack of privacy to the parents could limit communication especially when parents want to discuss sensitive matters but are limited due to the presence of a child in the room," she explains adding that some children are school-going at this age and might share what they heard or saw in the parents' room with their friends at school," she explains.

One year old
"I prefer to share a bed with my child until they are one year . This is because before one year, a child cannot easily help themselves; in case a sheet slips away or if they accidentally fail to turn their neck, says Gertrude Nanyombi, businesswoman. She explains that this will help prevent wheezing as she can constantly check on the child and keep them comfortable.

After one year, I get them a bed but keep them in the room because now a child can easily help themselves but have to be monitored. At about six years, I can get them a room because they are more keen and curious about certain things surrounding them, plus they talk a lot."

At three
For Arithea Nakiwala, a data entrant, at the age of three, a child knows what the parents do in the bedroom especially when they get intimate. "The child is innocent and speaks whatever comes to mind or whatever they see and can thus describe what happened, since they can speak. Thus at four, a parent should get a child their own room.

Health concerns
Dr Hellen Kyokutamba, a paediatrician at Aga Khan University Hospital, says , "There is no safe age for parents to share a bed with children. At all ages, it is not safe, however some schools of thought say it is good for bonding up to three months. The risks include accidental trauma to the baby, the pillow and excess beddings may increase the risk for SIDS( Sudden Infant Death Sydrome). The child from the start need to be trained to be on their own as changing this at a later age may be difficult. The safest place is a cot in the mother's bedroom. Older children will develop attachment disorders if not trained.