---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Amitabh Thakur <amitabhth@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 7 Jun 2013 02:08:08 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: [AntiBriberyCampaign] 07/06/1993- A gets married to N (Writeup)
To: "amitabhth@yahoo.com" <amitabhth@yahoo.com>, Amitabh Thakur
<amitabhthakurlko@gmail.com>
Friends,
I present a write-up I have written on the occasion of 20 years of my
marriage. As far as I know, it comes straight from my heart and is as
truthful as possible. I am sure some of you would like it and may also
find it useful for one reason or another.
Amitabh Thakur
Lucknow
# 094155-34526
07/06/1993- A gets married to N
This is nothing more than a date which came and went. Not many would
be remembering when it came and when it passed.
Just the same way that I am not able to remember most of the other
dates. A person is able to remember only those few dates which are of
very special significance to him- either for good reasons or for bad
reasons.
07/06/1993, i.e the seventh say of June 1993- a day which I always
remember. Not only because I got married that day. Yes, it was
important to me that I got married that day but much more
important is the fact that I got married to Nutan on this particular
day. Nutan, who today calls herself Nutan Thakur was Nutan Kumari at
that time. Nutan Kumari because in Bihar, to which I belong, there is a
tradition of adding the word Kumari (something akin to virgin) to an
unwed girl's name. There is a rather special thrust on the virginity
and physical isolation of girls in our society and possibly this must
be
the reason for putting this word right at the end of a girl's name so
that she always remembers this fact and does nothing which goes to
violate its sanctity.
The truth remains that in
Nutan's case I never tried to go deeper in this question. It is again
true that this issue of virginity never really means much to me. On
this issue I seem to agree with the views presented by the talented
actor
Tabboo in the extremely sensitively portrayed film Astitva where the
question of an outsider's entry (accidental, incidental or otherwise)
in a husband-wife relationship has been beautifully and openly
discussed.
My personal opinion on this issue has always been that husband and wife
shall always endeavour to maintain the sanctity and respect of the
marital relationship because any extra-marital relationship is bound to
bring misfortunes and sorrow. But if something happens in disregard to
this cardinal principle, then it shall be taken as a lesson for the
future and shall not be made the sole issue for mutual blame-game. This
is because there is nothing more beautiful, complete and satisfying
than husband-wife relationship and it shall not be put on docks unless
it
becomes inevitable. At the same time, I am the first person to advice
breaking of ties in case it is found that any of the marital partners
is indulging in acts of torture, barbarianism or tormenting.
As far as I know, there was nothing of this sort, as far as Nutan was
concerned. On the contrary, at the time of my marriage I was badly in
love with a girl (whose name I would not state for the sake of
propriety and decency). Even at the time of marriage, the effects were
not
totally gone. It was possibly more of a one-sided affair because the
girl never paid me the attention that I was showering over her, yet
post-marriage I was always overburdened with the guilt associated with
this infatuation. I must openly appreciate Nutan's self-confidence,
patient, sensitivity and the ability of forgiveness because the day I
narrated before her my secret of life in extremely trembling voice and
loads of burden, it was over for her. She, never for once, repeated it
and took the entire episode as if there was nothing so important about
it.
I would advice everyone, including myself to
develop the same sense and attitude, of admitting and accepting the
partner's alleged faults and errors and of showing love and affection
when he or she needs it the most because whoever behaves in similar
fashion will be able to overcome all kinds of conjugal travesties.
On this special occasion, I would like to share one more fact of my life.
At the time of marriage, there was no similarity between me and Nutan
except our mutual weaknesses. I was a very well-read, bookish,
hypothetical person who lived more in his dreamland than in the
realities around. Nutan was a person with ordinary knowledge and was
much more traditional in her attitude, thoughts and action. I always
exhorted her to come forward to participate actively on various social
issues but she was completely shy of moving out of the safe confines of
the house. I talked of distant things hardly related with me while
Nutan had nothing to do with them. I was a person half-wrapped in facts
and half seeped in fiction, who often went tangential in his thoughts
and had a flair for day-dreaming. Nutan, on the other hand, completely
rooted on the ground. If there was any similarity between us, it was
that we were both animated stubborn variety who excelled in fighting
with each other and had the tendency to never say quits.
Yes, we did fight a lot in our life. We fought with full fervor and
animosity. There were occasions when we did not talk for days. There
were also times when the marriage seemed to be docks. We used extremely
hurtful, pinching and demeaning statements against each other, more me
than her, but she also. The entire atmosphere would turn putrid,
violent and cloistered. The kids would start feeling the heat of the
degenerated relations and would be behaving extremely frightened. Yet
we remained together all the time. What was interesting was the fact
that
we fought among ourselves and yet did not leave each other in the
process. The same bed, the same room and fistful fighting going along!
Nutan did not like many of my thoughts, ideas and actions. But with time, we
started coming together. We started understanding each other in a much
better manner. Then a time came when we did not fight for months. And
now for years, a situation has arisen when all our friends say that we
think, act and behave similarly.
One important reason
for our continuing to love and live together and getting nearer with
the passage of time, despite all our differences, was that there was
no
third person (a male or a female) who came in our life. Thus "loving
and fighting with each other" became our way of life and this slowly
resulted in getting more and more closer and nearer to each other-
mentally and emotionally. Other reason was that despite all these
fights, we did love each other sincerely. Despite criticizing me on
various fronts, she would defend me to the hilt if any third person
tried to find any fault in me. This included even our closest family
members. It was me who did not defend her with the same intensity that
she always showed and I occasionally criticized her as well.
Only God knows what lies in store and how our future course of life will
turn and twist. But what I know for sure is that whatever I got from
Nutan during the last twenty years is the biggest treasure of my life.
On this very special occasion of my life, I have tried to present some
of my very personal facts before you in as truthful a manner as I
could. While one purpose was to live through these beautiful 20 years,
another reason was to present a short (may be boring) lecture on
husband-wife
relationship so that it comes in assistance of certain other warring
couples.
Amitabh Thakur
http://amitabhandnutan.blogspot.in/2013/06/07061993.html
http://amitabhandnutan.blogspot.in/2013/06/07061993-gets-married-to-n.html
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